The tippy-top of my hot pink feather pen bopped back and forth. Back and forth. I was writing voraciously. Talking to a really, really great friend. She was always listening (or reading) no matter how hard I pressed down on the teeny lined paper (it was hard enough to poke through a page or two) or how often I wrote (could have been multiple times throughout a Thursday, who's to say?). She was patient. She was kind. She was nonjudgemental. I could talk (write) for as long as I wanted (or needed). Forreal, this girl was gold.
That girl, was me.
I had a metallic plastic diary with a matching pen and the teeniest tiniest key. It safely kept all of my thoughts, as boring or as important as they may have been. It needed to be memorialized when I watched the movie Holes for the first time. I had to complain when the boys at school were mean to me. And, I just wanted to talk about the TV shows that I missed while I was at dance class (Gilmore Girls, Tuesday nights, still bitter). No matter how upsetting or embarrassing or mundane, the lined paper was there. A whole stack of it. Encased in the cutest (subjective) cover.
The other morning I woke up annoyed. I slipped on my work clothes and sipped on the coffee my husband thoughtfully made me. Why was I being such a crankalicious diva? I was clothed, fed (thanks, Chris!), and employed. Then it dawned on me, I didn't know why because...I hadn't asked myself why.
The endless feed of scrolling never has us at a loss for content. Bored with your apps? E-Z fix! Just follow someone new. There's never a reason to be bored! You can always watch new makeup tutorials or IG stories or outfit posts. Who needs to check in with themselves when you could check in with absolute strangers? Who needs a conversation? You've got Snapchat. You can follow people you don't even know and see what they eat for breakfast. You can even see them interact with their friends! They talk to you too. Through a screen, of course. No one actually talks to you. That's so 2008, after all. You have to be up on what everyone's doing. You're following along!
Whatever happened to following...yourself?
When did we lose touch with us? When did we stop writing in our diaries? When did we stop listening to ourselves? We're not something we need to 'fix.' We don't need botox. We don't need a cleanse. We need to have a conversation. With ourselves. Forming our own opinions. And breaking free from the hive mind that is 'what people are talking about on social media.' Don't be afraid to think differently from someone else. Or even, don't be afraid to think the same! You think and feel how you think and feel.
Your seventh grade diary would approve. PS: It’s her you’re trying to impress, not the internet.